CHILD BEHAVIOR: Why does s/he do that? and What can I do about it?
For years the battle has raged between nature and nurture, between genetics and environment; but the bottom line is that, the answer is both.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Second, look at setting events.
Second, look at setting events...There are so many things that could be said here that it would take a chapter or two to even touch the surface of this part of our discussion. For the rest of the information click here.
26 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I agree with the example told. Often times children act out meerly for the attention. mindy
It does make sense that young children definetly can't tell us exactly how they feel and while they may be having problems at home, I know a few now and can see the changes it brings to the child.
I feel this realates a lot to the children I tend. Their mother is in and out of jail and when she is around the older two act out a lot. I feel it is just to get her attention that they have been lacking.
I agree that some children cant tell us what they are truly feeling. They learn how to show their emotions from the adults in their life. So if they come from a home with yelling then that is how they will show how they feel. We as the adults need to teach the kids to "use their words" or help show them how to express thier feelings and emotions the right way.
Care givers have to be very careful and sensitive to what form descipline is carried out in their facility. I find that in this day and age most parents do not believe in spanking or corporal punishment. I often find myself frustrated when I see children acting out (in my presence) toward their parents when they know what the rules and boundaries are in my facility. I don't spank, but I am firm and the children in my facility know what to expect from me. How do I tactfully tell my moms and dads certain behavior is unacceptable at my facility and needs to be addressed at home as well?
There are a couple of different ways to handle this and some other caretakers may have other better ideas. One way might be to have a list of expectations for different ages with the consequences you may use (with understanding of the individual needs of the child) when those expectations are not met. Another might be to have either individual or group periodic meetings with the parents to discuss issues such as this.
I had a 15 month old pushing on a 7 month old. I asked him not to push moved him to a different location twice. The third time I picked him up and moved a small stool toward the door. I told him he had to stay there for pushing the baby. I left him there for 1 minute. He looked at me and I told him to turn around, we had tears. Then I talked with him and why he should push the baby. He gave the baby a hug. That was the last time he pushed the baby. I really feel that it doesn't matter the age....communcation and eye to eye contact, the child will respond.
Although acting out can be a cry for help I think that the reverse is also a good indication something is wrong with the child. I have tended to a child whom I thought was just an amazingly good child. She always did everything I asked at the first time it was asked and was always on the ball. Turns out at home she was getting abused. It just important for us providers and parents to really observe ANY change in a child's behavior, whether a negative or positive change. Whether it is an attention seeking behavior or a to keep the attention off behavior.
Thank you for all the comments on tis subject. We don't spank at our facility either. We talk with parents about their children's behavior and often wonder what their home enviornment is like. One parent will drop their child off and just shove them in the door and run leaving the child kicking and screaming at the door after they would leave. We no longer keep that child but often wonder why the child act that way. Any comments?
I believe in spanking. Not beating. As long as it's used appropriately and not every time you get upset at your child. Only in severe cases do I think it needs to be done. A good example would be the first example that was given at the beginning of the course about the child who decided he wanted to play so he hit his mom so he could go outside and she gave up and let him go. That would have been an incident where the mother needed to give a light spanking and send him to his room. Letting him get away with it is doing him far more worse damage then a quick spanking to let him know he was way out of line and needed to straighten up.
I think that one of the reasons our kids have so many behavioral issues today is because they are not being properly disciplined. Maybe there is a bigger picture that I'm not seeing and I'm just going with what I was brought up with. But I really believe that not disciplining your child in a "startling" way will leave room for the child to start acting wild and having every one wondering why they are so out of control.
I agree with the example. Children tell us what they are feeling in a certain situation or show it. They want to do the fun things and don't want to do the boring things like sit through a lecture at church. MAA
I've had children act out many times because they didn't get enough to eat at home. It would take a little while to figure out the cause of their actions but once I knew and fixed the problem they became calmer.
I Agree in this two things: First, I believe building relationships before doing anything just as you mention Relationships are always the foundation for all our interactions. And secondly I believe in spanking, not beating the child.
I believe there are many reasons to a childs behavior. I have had kids come to the facility hungry and/or tired and that plays a big role in their behavior. As for disciplining I think you need to be consistent with that as well. We do not spank at our facility we do time outs or take activities taken away. I do believe being firm and letting the child know you are the boss will help.
From experience if a child's basic needs are not met (hunger, shelter, feeling safe, rest) they will not perform well in the classroom. I also believe in the saying "spare the rod, spoil the child". Not saying that there always has to be spankings (not beatings!) but I feel this means that there has to be structure and clear expectations for a child. Yes they may see how far they can push the adults but once they know that the expectations are fair and enforced they generally will respond positively. At least that is what I have seen the majority of the time in my classroom.
Natural and logical punishments which are developmentally appropriate for the child are best. As a child care provider you need to be sure and let the parent know your policies about any kind of punishment and usually a signed acknowledgement that they received it and understand is best. Never use corporal punishment.
About 20 years ago I was in a child abuse seminar presented by a Jewish Doctor, who was a student of the Tanakh, and who was also an expert on the subject of child abuse. He brought this statement up and said that in this context, the word “rod” did not refer to a physical rod but something quite different. When he said and explained it, I thought to myself…of course. Just briefly, because I am not sure if my previous post went through: What is does the rod mean as it is described above?
Kids learn quickly how to get out of what they do not want to do or how to manipulate the situation so that they can be able to do what they would rather be doing. I am going through this situation right now with my preschool class and I am having a hard time with one of my students who everyday before nap time he is choosing to run around and jump on cots. We have a rather large class and at times he acts out during class time because he wants some more one on one time and I figured that out quickly I am just having a hard time figuring out how to be consistent and show him that regardless of his behaviors nap time will happen without giving in to his attention seeking behavior. WHen he runs around and causes a scene my assistant and I tend to focus just on him giving him what he desires but if we ignore it he puts himself and others in danger.
It's amazing what we caregivers and parents can help a child through when we find the child's "triggers" There are so many things that could be happening in an individual's life that would make them act out. I believe that this is true for adults and children alike. I have a little boy right now who just turned 3 (the terrible 3's!!) All sorts of issues came up almost instantly! So, i have been stepping back and observing him instead of feeling so frustrated with his loud yelling and crazy attitude. Thanks for this class,BTW! It's been a great reminder! Really, I think he has a lot of triggers, most of which he just needs to learn skills to deal with. His main triggers are: tired, feeling left out, not enough one on one, missing dad(away at work), sudden transitions, and being hungry. Also, I am wondering about communication skills at home (possible yelling) and inconsistency between all his loving caregivers. I think that he needs lots of reinforcement for his good choices. He'll get it!!! He's already getting better!
We have children in the center who we know have stressors from home. some coming in very early thus interfering with their needed sleep. This alone can disrupt the entire day. By providing a quiet place these kids can sleep or simply find their center.
Other kids we have i know come in hungry. some of these kids don't even know they are...but their behavior screams it. we offer a snack about every 1.5 hours. just a few crackers. but this can be enough to tide over a hunger till the next center meal. thus causing a completely different behavior without anyone knowing this child is malnourished.
So Im kinda in agreement with the Information we just learned as part of the Child Development training courses. Only because my 5year old son does throw his tantrum when he wants something his way. But our 18 month old daughter Ava does throw fits and at times gets love from daddy. So my son Asaiah see this and he tries to push our limits and gets upset because he see his sister Ava Diva getattention and love and that is only because she is only a little over one year and so Asaiah must think well I see Diva get love and attention when she throws a fit so I think Asaiah figures he can getaway with it to. But he is mistaken he gets ion trouble for that stuff because we raised him better then that and he knows better he is old enough he don't know everything but he knows how to push it and try for his way no matter what me and daddy say.
26 comments:
I agree with the example told. Often times children act out meerly for the attention. mindy
It does make sense that young children definetly can't tell us exactly how they feel and while they may be having problems at home, I know a few now and can see the changes it brings to the child.
Can you comment on the boundary development in children relates to attention getting behaviors? kellyc11
Please give me an example or a little more information.
Thanks,
Pete
I feel this realates a lot to the children I tend. Their mother is in and out of jail and when she is around the older two act out a lot. I feel it is just to get her attention that they have been lacking.
I agree that some children cant tell us what they are truly feeling. They learn how to show their emotions from the adults in their life. So if they come from a home with yelling then that is how they will show how they feel. We as the adults need to teach the kids to "use their words" or help show them how to express thier feelings and emotions the right way.
Care givers have to be very careful and sensitive to what form descipline is carried out in their facility. I find that in this day and age most parents do not believe in spanking or corporal punishment. I often find myself frustrated when I see children acting out (in my presence) toward their parents when they know what the rules and boundaries are in my facility. I don't spank, but I am firm and the children in my facility know what to expect from me. How do I tactfully tell my moms and dads certain behavior is unacceptable at my facility and needs to be addressed at home as well?
There are a couple of different ways to handle this and some other caretakers may have other better ideas. One way might be to have a list of expectations for different ages with the consequences you may use (with understanding of the individual needs of the child) when those expectations are not met. Another might be to have either individual or group periodic meetings with the parents to discuss issues such as this.
I had a 15 month old pushing on a 7 month old. I asked him not to push moved him to a different location twice. The third time I picked him up and moved a small stool toward the door. I told him he had to stay there for pushing the baby. I left him there for 1 minute. He looked at me and I told him to turn around, we had tears. Then I talked with him and why he should push the baby. He gave the baby a hug. That was the last time he pushed the baby. I really feel that it doesn't matter the age....communcation and eye to eye contact, the child will respond.
Although acting out can be a cry for help I think that the reverse is also a good indication something is wrong with the child. I have tended to a child whom I thought was just an amazingly good child. She always did everything I asked at the first time it was asked and was always on the ball. Turns out at home she was getting abused. It just important for us providers and parents to really observe ANY change in a child's behavior, whether a negative or positive change. Whether it is an attention seeking behavior or a to keep the attention off behavior.
Thank you for all the comments on tis subject. We don't spank at our facility either. We talk with parents about their children's behavior and often wonder what their home enviornment is like. One parent will drop their child off and just shove them in the door and run leaving the child kicking and screaming at the door after they would leave. We no longer keep that child but often wonder why the child act that way.
Any comments?
I believe in spanking. Not beating. As long as it's used appropriately and not every time you get upset at your child. Only in severe cases do I think it needs to be done. A good example would be the first example that was given at the beginning of the course about the child who decided he wanted to play so he hit his mom so he could go outside and she gave up and let him go. That would have been an incident where the mother needed to give a light spanking and send him to his room. Letting him get away with it is doing him far more worse damage then a quick spanking to let him know he was way out of line and needed to straighten up.
I think that one of the reasons our kids have so many behavioral issues today is because they are not being properly disciplined. Maybe there is a bigger picture that I'm not seeing and I'm just going with what I was brought up with. But I really believe that not disciplining your child in a "startling" way will leave room for the child to start acting wild and having every one wondering why they are so out of control.
I agree with the example. Children tell us what they are feeling in a certain situation or show it. They want to do the fun things and don't want to do the boring things like sit through a lecture at church.
MAA
I've had children act out many times because they didn't get enough to eat at home. It would take a little while to figure out the cause of their actions but once I knew and fixed the problem they became calmer.
I Agree in this two things: First, I believe building relationships before doing anything just as you mention Relationships are always the foundation for all our interactions. And secondly I believe in spanking, not beating the child.
I believe there are many reasons to a childs behavior. I have had kids come to the facility hungry and/or tired and that plays a big role in their behavior. As for disciplining I think you need to be consistent with that as well. We do not spank at our facility we do time outs or take activities taken away. I do believe being firm and letting the child know you are the boss will help.
From experience if a child's basic needs are not met (hunger, shelter, feeling safe, rest) they will not perform well in the classroom. I also believe in the saying "spare the rod, spoil the child". Not saying that there always has to be spankings (not beatings!) but I feel this means that there has to be structure and clear expectations for a child. Yes they may see how far they can push the adults but once they know that the expectations are fair and enforced they generally will respond positively. At least that is what I have seen the majority of the time in my classroom.
How could you approach figuring out what would be a reasonable and valid punishment for a child as a child care provider?
Natural and logical punishments which are developmentally appropriate for the child are best. As a child care provider you need to be sure and let the parent know your policies about any kind of punishment and usually a signed acknowledgement that they received it and understand is best. Never use corporal punishment.
About 20 years ago I was in a child abuse seminar presented by a Jewish Doctor, who was a student of the Tanakh, and who was also an expert on the subject of child abuse. He brought this statement up and said that in this context, the word “rod” did not refer to a physical rod but something quite different. When he said and explained it, I thought to myself…of course.
Just briefly, because I am not sure if my previous post went through: What is does the rod mean as it is described above?
It is an ancient term which referred to the word of God as in God's word.
Kids learn quickly how to get out of what they do not want to do or how to manipulate the situation so that they can be able to do what they would rather be doing. I am going through this situation right now with my preschool class and I am having a hard time with one of my students who everyday before nap time he is choosing to run around and jump on cots. We have a rather large class and at times he acts out during class time because he wants some more one on one time and I figured that out quickly I am just having a hard time figuring out how to be consistent and show him that regardless of his behaviors nap time will happen without giving in to his attention seeking behavior. WHen he runs around and causes a scene my assistant and I tend to focus just on him giving him what he desires but if we ignore it he puts himself and others in danger.
It's amazing what we caregivers and parents can help a child through when we find the child's "triggers" There are so many things that could be happening in an individual's life that would make them act out. I believe that this is true for adults and children alike. I have a little boy right now who just turned 3 (the terrible 3's!!) All sorts of issues came up almost instantly! So, i have been stepping back and observing him instead of feeling so frustrated with his loud yelling and crazy attitude. Thanks for this class,BTW! It's been a great reminder! Really, I think he has a lot of triggers, most of which he just needs to learn skills to deal with. His main triggers are: tired, feeling left out, not enough one on one, missing dad(away at work), sudden transitions, and being hungry. Also, I am wondering about communication skills at home (possible yelling) and inconsistency between all his loving caregivers. I think that he needs lots of reinforcement for his good choices. He'll get it!!! He's already getting better!
We have children in the center who we know have stressors from home. some coming in very early thus interfering with their needed sleep. This alone can disrupt the entire day. By providing a quiet place these kids can sleep or simply find their center.
Other kids we have i know come in hungry. some of these kids don't even know they are...but their behavior screams it. we offer a snack about every 1.5 hours. just a few crackers. but this can be enough to tide over a hunger till the next center meal. thus causing a completely different behavior without anyone knowing this child is malnourished.
So Im kinda in agreement with the Information we just learned as part of the Child Development training courses. Only because my 5year old son does throw his tantrum when he wants something his way. But our 18 month old daughter Ava does throw fits and at times gets love from daddy. So my son Asaiah see this and he tries to push our limits and gets upset because he see his sister Ava Diva getattention and love and that is only because she is only a little over one year and so Asaiah must think well I see Diva get love and attention when she throws a fit so I think Asaiah figures he can getaway with it to. But he is mistaken he gets ion trouble for that stuff because we raised him better then that and he knows better he is old enough he don't know everything but he knows how to push it and try for his way no matter what me and daddy say.
Agreed
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